Kramer VS. Kramer

In the year 1977, a book called, “Kramer VS. Kramer,” opened in bookstores. One Year Later, Hollywood decided to adapt the book into a full length motion picture.

Kramer VS. Kramer was released in 1979. (same year Ridley Scott’s Alien came out) It received positive reviews from critics and made enough money at the box office. It became a cultural impact involving divorces. It went on to become an eligible nominee at The 52nd Academy Awards, winning five nominations including, Best Actor, (Dustin Hoffman) Best Supporting Actress, (Meryl Streep, who’s The Green Goblin to my Spider-Man) Best Director, (Robert Benton) Best Adapted Screenplay & Best Picture.

Let me get this straight, “Apocalypse Now,” (one of my favorite films) lost to Kramer VS. Kramer, starring my number one villain on my rogue galley list. Now that Meryl Streep is officially nominated again for “The Post,” I’m gonna investigate to see if Kramer Vs. Kramer is beyond superior to an epic adventure drug fueled war film that I highly appreciate as one of the best war films of all time.

The following review contains massive SPOILERS. If you’ve never got a chance to watch the whole thing, read at your very own risk. Please fellow movie goers, don’t give me any negative feedback or plan on grabbing your pitchforks or torches on my final verdict, this is all just a matter of opinion from my point of view.

Positive & Negative Elements

Positive: Dustin Hoffman & Justin Henry both did a good job on their performances. I’m appalled that my archenemy Meryl Streep, did a descent job on her performance.

Cinematography is surprisingly decent without any technical issues present throughout.

I’m going to give this movie credit for “Family Guy” doing a parody of the infamous ice cream scene. I would’ve given this scene Bonus Points to see Ted spanking the kid, just as Tom Tucker did to Peter Griffin, which is ten times better.

When Ted is reading a book to Billy, he said “Uh-Oh.” As in Tom Cruise’s onscreen brother in “Rain Man.”

Negative: I’m not making this up, when Ted leaves work to go home, the musical theme at first, begins to play in the background, turns out a street performer is playing. That scene belongs in something off of “Airplane!” It’s that parody movie that makes fun of disaster movies.

Call me a biased jerk all you want. The title of the film is misleading. Whenever I hear the word Vs. I think of “Godzilla VS.King Kong,” “Freddy VS. Jason,” “Alien VS. Predator,” “Batman VS. Superman” or two opponents duking it out mano e mano. For Big Pete’s Sake! Heath Ledger’s Joker had more screen time than Meryl! The movie primarily focuses on both Ted & Billy. I hate The Bait-And-Switch tactic!

The Courtroom scene doesn’t happen until The Third Act begins.

The film is completely dated like an expired carton of milk. For example, Ted & Johanna were married in 1969, the film takes place in 1979 to 1980. The Twin Towers are shown in the foggy background at Ted’s office.

Despite being on the poster, Meryl Streep has a lack of screen time. Remind me again on why it is called Kramer VS. Kramer? Freddy Krueger & Jason Voorhees both have screen time.

I swear to god, I’m gonna be brutally honest with you fellow movie goers. For a PG (pre-PG-13 film) rated film, there’s a topless scene in a movie. In the words of Doug Walker/Nostalgia Critic, you know, for kids! Imagine if filmmaker, Paul Thomas Anderson, tricked people into thinking “Boogie Nights” is a family friendly film? Look, I understand this was made before the PG-13 rating was created, but is it appropriate to show your kids an explicit scene of a topless women? I have no choice but to Triple Down this con, because it’s the equivalent of taking your kid to a strip club! Wouldn’t it be awkward to allow a take your kid to work day at a gentlemen’s club? I find that disgusting and sacred!

As the movie progresses, I started to get bored, I checked on my phone to see how much longer this movie is gonna keep me imprisoned against my will like Malcom McDowell’s character in “A Clockwork Orange!”

Product Placement (Pee Pee for short) featuring the following brands including, American Express, Tab, Kellogg’s, Bounty, Nikon, Wise Foods, Tide, Chock Full O’ Nuts Coffee, Schrafft’s Ice Cream & Taystee Bread. Good god! This predates Adam Sandler’s unhealthy fetish for Product Placement!

The film doesn’t end The Conflict with the judge declaring the victor on who keeps Billy. Ever heard of three important words, “SHOW DON’T TELL?!” Imagine if “The Dark Knight” never showed us The Final Battle between Batman & Joker? We want to see what’s going on, not Commissioner Gordon stated what’s happening offscreen! Remind me again on why Kramer won Best Adapted Screenplay?!

As I’ve mentioned before that Kramer VS. Kramer took home Best Picture, I find it downright criminal for easily winning an Oscar over Apocalypse Now! That does it, I have to Triple Down Points for boiling my anger, upon learning the terrible truth!

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

In my opinion, Kramer VS. Kramer is one of the films I hate but everybody else likes. It is a personification of Oscar Bait. Meryl Streep is such a tool that she managed to win her first Oscar! I got incredibly bored ever since the film progresses without anything interesting. A topless scene that will make parents feel uncomfortable with their kids. The Judge never declaring the winner onscreen. I don’t think Kramer Vs. Kramer is a game changer on the same level as “Star Wars,” “The Dark Knight Trilogy” or “The Matrix.”

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT WATCH THIS “BEST PICTURE” WINNER! If you want to watch a way better movie, I strongly recommend the Redux Edition of Apocalypse Now. Trust me, it’s worth every penny. GOSH DARN IT! I am so appalled that one of my favorite movies got robbed!

I hope Meryl doesn’t win her fourth Oscar. If she wins, I’m so gonna post an angry rant on my Facebook account.

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