Flashback Review: The Master Of Disguise

Hello movie goers from around the globe. Today’s review is a spy movie labeled as the worst (if not the worst) spy movie of all time produced by Adam Sandler’s company “Happy Madison Productions” starring Dana Carvey as a spy who must rescue his father from a criminal mastermind. The plot I’m referring is from “The Master Of Disguise.”

The Master Of Disguise was released in 2002. (same year The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers came out) It was critically panned by many critics and movie goers alike. Although a critical flop, it was a modest success at the box office.

To prepare for future spy films including “Secret Society Of Second Born Royals,” “Black Widow,” “No Time To Die” & “Tenet,” I want to share what’s good or bad about one of the worst (if not the worst) spy film of all time produced by Happy Madison Productions.

This review contains a lot of SPOILERS. If you’re actually interested in seeing The Master Of Disguise, read at your very own risk.

Brilliant & Stupid Elements

Brilliant: Brent Spiner & Jennifer Esposito both did a fair job for their respective performances. It’s not their fault they didn’t do anything wrong. I blame the script and nonsensical storyline.

The only jokes that made me laugh is Pastacio’s disguises himself as Tony Montana from “Scarface,” Quint from “Jaws” & Terry Suave. Speaking of Scarface, Al Pacino starred in Christopher Nolan’s “Insomnia,” which came out in 2002. Another thing, Steven Spielberg’s two films “Minority Report” & Catch Me If You Can” both came out in 2002.

Pistachio’s does his impression of Shrek & Donkey. Both Mike Myers & Eddie Murphy starred in their own spy movies, “Austin Powers In Goldmember” & “I Spy.” Dana is also good friends with Mike & Eddie.

Kenan Thompson makes a cameo appearance.

Stupid: Dana Carvey’s performance as Pistachio is painfully irritating. His disguises including Turtle Man, an Indian, Gammy Num-Num among god-awful ones are so ugly to look at. Besides leading the movie, he also wrote the script.

Pistachio’s last name is Disguisey. Dana isn’t even trying. To quote Deadpool, “Well that’s just lazy writing.”

Adam Sandler served as an executive producer of the film. It’s not his fault, he didn’t write and direct Dana’s movie.

Action Sequences are lame. Pistachio’s only attack is slapping. In the movie, it’s a technique called, “Who’s Your Daddy?” There’s no variation or other form of combat techniques. Jason Statham can do better than Dana, because he knows Jeet Kune Do.

Pistachio mentioned he can’t build a spaceship to travel to Pluto. Oh dear lord! “The Adventures Of Pluto Nash” came out in 2002. By the way, Pluto is no longer a planet, it’s a rock. As in the meteor from “Joe Dirt.”

At The Turtle Club, henchmen are incompetent to realize Pistachio is dressed like a turtle. They never strip his outfit for a possible wire or weapons. If this happened in real life, an undercover cop wearing a turtle suit will fail only for a mob boss and his men to mow down the spy.

At first, a fart joke was funny as heck. It’s no longer hilarious, due to the fact it’s repeated a few times. If you’re gonna make a running gag, at least use it three times in effective moments. Ever heard of the term “Rule Of Three?”

Pistachio’s only expression throughout the whole movie is his goofy smile. He never conveys a variety of emotions. Pistachio doesn’t feel any pain, what is he T-1000 from “Terminator 2: Judgement Day?” What If “Tom & Jerry” never added Tom screaming in agony?

The film lacked a logical narrative. Every character except Devlin Bowman & Pistachio’s love interest Jennifer are completely idiotic. In real life, a professional spy can’t be too incompetent to get save the world from evil, At least Goku (from Dragon Ball Z) is capable of defending Earth yet he’s not a smart hero.

At on point, “Eye Of The Tiger” plays in the background. God I hate that song, it’s been overplayed in many movies and TV shows.

Pistachio & Jennifer’s chemistry isn’t good. It’s forgettable.

During a flashback, Abe Lincoln dances to “I Like To Move It Move It.” That song never existed in The Civil War. Oh wait, this is a Happy Madison film where everybody is stupid, historical accuracy is invalid and no sense of logic.

The End Credits sequence takes forever. Bloopers, deleted scenes, and post-credits scene don’t add anything interesting. Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 2’s End Credits were more interesting than this abomination, because the latter movie sets up possible storylines. The Master Of Disguise’s credits deserve to be Tripled Down, because this movie is so desperate for attention.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

I have many things to say about The Master Of Disguise. It is a god-awful spy movie lacking common sense, a mismatched storyline, the main character is an oblivious buffoon alongside several characters, (minus Brent Spiner & Jennifer Esposito) the stakes didn’t seem to intensify among many other problems found. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your precious spare time on this piece of crud!

If you want to watch a real good spy movie, Daniel Craig’s James Bond movies, “The Bourne Identity,” “Jack Ryan” series or anything worth your spare time. I cannot wait for Tenet to come out!

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