The Emoji Movie

The Emoji Movie is complete GARBAGE! I refuse to talk about the history of The Emoji Movie! If I were you, don’t see it! I wasted my money on this dreadful animated film! I wanted to watch this movie to see why its extremely bad, and I did, so I can save you fellow movie goers from not wasting your family time on this piece of dog poop!

I don’t care about SPOILERS! I’ll give away important elements in order to prevent you from wasting your precious spare time!

Gold & Incompetent Qualities

Gold: George Michael’s song “Wake Me Up Before You Go Go,” is one of the songs selected for a Just Dance sequence. T.J. Miller co-starred in Deadpool, because the title character’s favorite singer is George Michael. If Deadpool himself watched The Emoji Movie, he’ll be appalled on what he just witnessed. I would definitely pay my money to see The Merch With The Mouth doing commentary similar to Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Poop: The Studio Logo shows someone taking a picture with their IPhone. Rule Number 1, you’re not supposed to take pictures or film the whole movie, otherwise you’ll be arrested for digital piracy and eventually, be thrown into the slammer.

The Characters are completely forgettable and uninteresting just like the Meh emoji.

Smiler’s “happy face,” reminded me of a serial killer smiling like Jeffery Dahmer.

Gene’s failed attempt to make a meh expression, sets up the main conflict. This has got to be the worst Inciting Incident scnerio to set up a chain of events in cinematic history. It is not so hard to take a prom photo with your date, as long as your eyes aren’t closed!

I didn’t laugh throughout the entire picture. Not a single chuckle. That’s bad folks!

Gene & High Five explore The Wallpaper Maze. The Maze is filled with colorful apps. Does this remind you of Inside Out when Joy & Sadness explore The Maze Of Memories?

Jokes are filled with cringeworthy terrible puns. This is Mr. Freeze’s ice puns bad.

Patrick Stewart plays a Poop Emoji. His character best described as his career choice on working for the film. Oh for Big Pete’s Sake! He’s Professor X/Captain Picard, not a walking pile of poop!

Smiler’s henchmen kills a character called Spam on-screen! Osmosis Jones worked for certain blood cells/germs getting killed on-screen, because Thrax’s motivation and his introduction scene made sense for his lust for killing. In The Emoji Movie, this scene failed to establish Smiler’s motive properly by not KILLING innocent civilians!

One scene shows a fake out of Gene’s exploding body, with Jailbreak & High Five covered in Gene’s “blood.” Did Sony fail to check on what target audience they were aiming for? Dude, this isn’t a gory version of Monster-In-Law when J-Lo uses her imagination to attack Jane Fonda!

Incompetent henchmen watching cat videos on YouTube. Nobody acts this stupid if you’re hunting down a specific target.

How is Gene able to survive Firewall’s flames? Why isn’t he in the trash like the other characters killed off earlier. This is nonsense! Dr. Strange can survive an attack by using the time amulet to cheat death!

Gene’s father has the same condition as his him. The dad doesn’t actually express his emotions rather than the icons telling us viewers how he feels. Whenever I hear his dad talkin’, I think of The Radio DJ from Reservoir Dogs.

Alex, the user for the IPhone, wasn’t interesting at all. Just a generic pre-teen. He’s not realistically fleshed out like Riley from Inside Out.

A Flashing Before Your Life moment with Gene remembering the good times he had with High Five & Jailbreak. Again, they weren’t memorable.

Alex saves the emotes by accepting a date with a girl he likes by canceling the deletion process for his phone.

I was bored during the entire run for the picture. It made me want to check on my phone or watch to see if this’ll end soon.

Final Verdict: F FOR FAKER!

That’s right! This movie deserves an F, FOR FAKER! Do not, waste your precious money on this film, I repeat, do not waste your money on this film! It doesn’t deserve to exist! You want to see a really good Sony Animated related movie? I strongly recommend Hotel Transylvania or Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs. Both of them are worth the price of admission.

I guess Chris Pratt divorced Anna Faris because of her poor career choices such as his film along with the live action Alvin & The Chipmunks movies. Karma can sometimes destroy a family. Congratulations Emoji Movie for separating Star-Lord and his Playboy bunny! I hope this movie earns a Razzie for Worst Picture Of The Year!

We must remain vigilant fellow audience members to make sure this doesn’t become a franchise. I implore you to spread the truth and let Sony learn from their biggest mistake since The Dark Tower. Please do the right thing for the love of cinema.

3 thoughts on “The Emoji Movie

  1. “I hope this movie earns a Razzie for Worst Picture Of The Year!”
    You’ll be very happy to know The Emoji Movie did indeed win Worst Picture, along with Worst Director, Worst Screenplay and Worst Screen Couple (any two obnoxious emojis).


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