Flashback Review: The Hot Chick

It’s time for a trip to the past with another Flashback Review. We are going back in the year 2002. During that time, 4 films were released on the same year from a film company called “Happy Madison,” whose founder is Adam Sandler, responsible for creating movies he produced starring himself, his close friends including Kevin James, David Spade, Allen Covert, Rob Schneider among others. Another interesting fact, Happy Madison is named after Sandler’s two hits, Billy Madison & Happy Gilmore which made a lot of money, and don’t forget The Wedding Singer.

The four films that came out in 2002 (in chronological order) are: “Mr. Deeds,” “The Master Of Disguise,” “Adam Sandler’s Eight Crazy Nights,” (the only one I enjoyed) and to put the final nail in the coffin, “The Hot Chick.” The last one mentioned is gonna be our Flashback Review.

The Hot Chick was critically panned. Roger Ebert declared it as one of the worst movies he’s ever seen in his life, giving it a half star out of four.

Today’s review contains important SPOILERS. If you’ve never seen this film, read at your own risk.

Beautiful & Ugly Elements

Beautiful: Adam Sandler has a cameo as a Jamaican employee. Taking over Rob’s SNL sketch as an homage much like Adam’s cameo in The Animal. Adam also produced the movie.

I laughed at a few gags such as a fart scene at a nightclub, a random person describing Jessica’s combat skills & a strip club’s policy signs labeled as “No Strangling The Dancers” & “Monday Night Is Gay Night.”

Rob wears a Powerpuff Girls T-Shirt, the same year The Powerpuff Girls Movie came out. Also the song “That’s What Girls Do” plays in the background. Maybe Schneider’s daughter Elle King was a fan of The Powerpuff Girls and he decided to give her the t-shirt he wore as a present. Looking at Rob wearing a Powerpuff Girls shirt means that Disney must’ve given Warner Bros. (WB) “The Middle Finger.”

Jessica (in Rob’s body) does his/her impression of Mario saying “It’s me Mario!” Mario said, “It’s me Mario!”

Rachel McAdams (pre-career launch in Mean Girls & The Notebook) makes her big screen debut.

If you grew up in The 90’s back when The Disney Channel didn’t suck, Tia & Tamara Mowry (Sister, Sister) appear in the film courtesy of Disney owning Touchstone Pictures.

Stand-up comedian, Dick Gregory makes a brief appearance as a bathroom attendant.

The film did a jab at Winona Ryder’s shoplifting incident. Coincidentally, Winona co-starred with Adam Sandler in Mr. Deeds.

Jessica’s father (Danny from Caddyshack) reads a Playboy magazine. Anna Faris went to star as a Playboy bunny in The House Bunny. Also produced by Happy Madison.

At one point, April wears a Winnie The Pooh shirt. Remember folks, Disney owns Touchstone Pictures.

Ugly: Rob Schneider did a ridiculous job for his performance. He also wrote the script.

Besides Rob, almost every cast member except Adam Sandler & Dick Gregory, were very stupid.

The Opening Scene establishes how a princess and a slave swapped bodies. When a prince shows up, one of the two’s bodies glows purple. The Prince & his guards didn’t notice from their own eyes. Are they decedents or Stevie Wonder? What I just witnessed, indicates how stupid this movie is gonna be a stinker.

Before the switch, Rob is robbing a gas station. When Jessica and her friends arrive, what does he do? He proceeds to slurp a cherry slush from a disposable fountain. No common crook would do something completely idiotic when someone is about to enter the crime scene. Has anybody seen Michael Mann’s Heat when the bank robbers didn’t have to munch on snacks?

Tom Brady directed the movie. Not kidding, he’s credited as a “director.” Thus, explaining why he’s inexperienced. Ironically he’s The New England Patriots’ secret weapon.

Poor origin story about the magical earrings without a proper way to introduce them. When were the earrings recovered, I never got a chance to see who found them many centuries later. Was it Indiana Jones, Rick O’Connell from The Mummy or Lara Croft?

Disney like music playing in the background during dramatic moments such as Jessica talking to her best friend April, about their friendship. Like nails on a chalkboard. No wonder Roger Ebert hated Rob.

A scene shows Rob’s buttcrack. What I just saw, will forever be a psychological scar. I would’ve Triple Down points if Rob show us movie goers his “Johnson.” Congratulations Rob, I’ll never be able to get your rear out of my head!

Rapid groin jokes one scene to another. Did Rob forget to come up with a variety of proper jokes? I can automatically picture the main characters from Quentin Tarantino Reservoir Dogs taking about Madonna’s “Like A Virgin.” You know the part when the group theorized about a “metaphor” involving the song.

I’m Doubling Down Points, because Rachel McAdams didn’t have equal screen time like Rob Schneider. The film wasted an opportunity to showcase her acting ability in her first feature film.

Idiot parents who aren’t concerned about their daughter’s (Jessica) whereabouts. Nobody does that in real life! Imagine if the parents from The Lovely Bones never mourned the death of their daughter!

Besides Jessica’s parents, April’s parents are oblivious to know about Jessica’s presence. For example, April’s mom thinks her daughter’s undergoing puberty. She already reached that aged you dingbat! April’s dad slacks off throughout the whole picture. In any Happy Madison related movie, everyone’s an idiot.

Rob/Jessica literally headbutts a rival cheerleader. Why didn’t he/she feel any pain? Is Rob from the planet Krypton?

Jessica’s dad is easily deceived by Rob/Jessica’s made name, “Taquito.” It’s like naming your kid “Apple.” Oh wait Chris Martin & Gwyneth Paltrow have a daughter named after a fruit.

During a pillow fight, Jessica is barefooted. A few seconds later, he/she is wearing slippers. Editing 101, check your scenes before finishing.

One of Jessica’s friend’s Ling-Ling has an annoying stereotypical Koren mother, keeps interfering her spare time. Could be worse, if Mickey Rooney played her grandfather. If you don’t get it, his role in Breakfast At Tiffany’s is painfully excruciating in modern times.

Seriously, who the heck names their kid Booger? Jessica’s younger brother’s real name is never mentioned. I’m gonna assume that his name is Caitlin, because he wears his sister’s clothes and he might be gay. I have no beef towards gay people. To quote Jerry Seinfeld, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

Outtakes at the end is a total waste of time to watch. Pixar & Jackie Chan films can make bloopers better than this Trunchbull of nonsense.

Product Placement only features Playboy & Icee. Alright Rob, you win this round. I’m giving this flaw a pass.

Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

The Hot Chick is painfully one of the worst films on the planet. If you turn your brain off, you might loose your intelligence & end up like Sean Connery or any SNL Celebrity Jeopardy contestant. Do not, I repeat, do not waste your spare time on this epic failure! If you want to watch a decent movie about body swap, I highly recommend “Face/Off” & Freaky Friday. (Lindsay Lohan version)

Moral Of The Story: Never steal an ancient artifact. In the words of Indiana Jones: “It belongs in a museum.”

If I swapped bodies with a woman, I’d like to switch with Natalie Portman. Because she’s one of my favorite actresses, beautiful, intelligent, wise & surprising good at rapping. She’s got range. Which body would you like to switch with the opposite gender? Please leave a comment.

P.S. Ms. Rachel McAdams, if you’re reading this review. It’s not you’re fault that you had to star in this film. We all gotta start somewhere. At least you’ve decided to pick good films in you’re career.  Look on the bright side, you & Elle King have one thing common. Multiple awards & acclaim unlike your co-star & Elle’s daddy.

Sincerly, Nick The Movie Critic.

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