Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (Disney’s Flops Vol. 1 #16)

After “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” came out in 2008, Disney bought Lucasfilm for $4 billion acquiring the rights to “Star Wars” & “Indiana Jones.” The Star Wars Sequel Trilogy was an epic letdown butchering The Original Trilogy. “The Mandalorian,”(haven’t watched Season 3) “The Bad Batch” & “Andor” are big hits. Steven Spielberg & George Lucas turned down the offer to work on a fifth installment titled, “Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny.” The pair served as executive producers. James Mangold (Logan, 3:10 to Yuma, Girl Interrupted) took over Mr. Spielberg’s chair. Harrison Ford signed on to portray the character one last time.

Dial of Destiny premiered at the 76th Cannes Film Festival a month before its theatrical release. The film earned a five-minute standing ovation praising Mr. Ford’s performance.

Today’s review contains crucial SPOILERS. If you haven’t seen the final film, read at your own risk. Before you scroll down to my Final Verdict, everybody’s entitled to their own opinion. I’m not forcing my views on anybody. My rant is pretty harsh and it’s not suitable for the easily offended. If you wish to read my rant. So be it.

Rich & Poor Qualities

Rich: Harrison Ford reprises his role as Indy one last time. He did an excellent job for his performance.

Other Cast Members such as Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Mads Mikkelsen, Boyd Holbrook, Antonio Banderas, John Rhys-Davies & Toby Jones all did a decent job for their respective performances.

James Mangold tried his best to give us a grand finale. It’s not his fault. I blame Kathleen “Karen” Kennedy/KKK for creativity assaulting his vision.

Action Sequences are pretty good. My favorite part is the first 30 minutes with Indy fighting his way through Voller’s men onboard a train. It felt like I was watching an Indiana Jones film.

John Williams orchestrated the soundtrack.

Cinematography captures in-depth imagery.

Humor has some funny moments in-between action and Indy’s snarky delivery.

Indy mentioned he was tortured with voodoo. A callback to “Temple of Doom.” It would’ve been nice if Short Round came back for a cameo.

I’m glad Helena wasn’t annoying as f**k like Willie in Temple of Doom.

Poor: Indy’s digitally de-aged face doesn’t look authentic. He looks like an unrendered PS4 character. Lucasfilm spent $295 million. YIKES! That’s one hundred times expensive than Cardi B’s ass injections.

Steven Spielberg & George Lucas served as executive producers. They failed to approve Indy’s grand finale. The former liked Dial of Destiny.” Something tells me he’s losing his brain cells like Joe “Dory the Fish” Biden.

Due to legal problems as a groper and had a fallen out with Steven Spielberg, Shia LeBeouf didn’t reprise his role as Indy’s son Mutt. He got killed offscreen enlisting the Vietnam War. Too bad Willie didn’t meet a similar fate. She’s the worse character in the series.

Helena’s ex-boyfriend suddenly appears. He chases Indy & Helena. The ex-boyfriend never shows up afterwards.

Voller’s death wasn’t satisfying. He died in a plane crash. It pales in comparison to previous death scenes like the Ark of the Covenant melting the Nazis faces, alligators eating Mola Ram alive and Donavan drinking the wrong Holy Grail causing him to age rapidly. Voller’s death is like Spalko disintegrated by an alien all over again.

I thought the plot was gonna center around Indy trying to prevent Voller from using the Dial by beating the Americans to the moon. Turns out he wants to overthrow Hitler and win World War II.

When Voller’s men frame Indy by killing his colleagues, he runs from the law. Near the end, there’s no further explanation. As if nothing happened.

Unlike “The Dark Knight Rises,” “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” “Logan” “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King,” “Avengers: Endgame,” & “Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3,” Dial of Destiny lacks an emotional sendoff to Indy. What’s worse, I never shed any tears.

The Final Verdict: D-

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is worse than Temple of Doom & Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I haven’t been this pissed since The Rise of Skywalker. Kathleen “She-Devil” Kennedy sodomized a classic franchise like Dakota Fanning got raped in “Hounddog.” I’m not kidding, it’s a controversial film from 2007. I wish it never existed. DO NOT SUPPORT DIAL OF DESTINY! Watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 or “The Flash.”

I can’t believe I’m saying this, I will not spend my money on Lucasfilm’s future Star Wars films. Why? Because Kathleen “Ca Ca” Kennedy, Rian “A-Hole” Johnson, Chris “Tithead” Terrio & J.J. “Jar Jar” Abrams gang banged Luke Skywalker, Han Solo & Princess Leia as in that one South Park episode with George Lucas & Steven Spielberg raping Indy in “The China Problem.” I’m so appalled Indiana Jones ended on a wet fart.

Dial of Destiny’s marks the final nail in the coffin regarding Lucasfilm. George Lucas had a vision to brings us an immersive franchise inspiring filmmakers to make their own franchises. Nowadays, Kathleen “Rude Thoughtless Pig” Kennedy’s a dictator towards directors refusing to cooperate in creating a cohesive narrative. If she contacts a critically acclaimed director like Paul Thomas Anderson to make a Star Wars film, his career’s f**ked. Kathleen’s a selfish bitch.

If I had to direct film based on Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Marvel, or DC, I have to turn ‘em down due to the social climate alienating movie goers and Leftist propaganda. Stick to original material without major studios making you, their bitch. I’d rather make my own production company that doesn’t cater to wokeism, hiring morons like Dylan Mulvaney, never promote projects targeted to Leftists, Feminazis & Hollywood Hypocrites.

R.I.P. Lucasfilm 1971-2023