Blank Check

“Blank Check” was officially released in 1994. (same year The Crow came out) It was critically panned and barely made enough money at the box office. Why isn’t Blank Check labeled as a “Flashback Review?” I never watched it during my childhood. First time I ever heard of Blank Check was from a review by Nostalgia Critic/Doug Walker. I wanna share my own thoughts on this for two reasons. First, Disney turns 100. I’ll be reviewing several movies from past to present. Second, The Little Mermaid remake will be released on May 26, 2023. It’s gonna sink big time.

It doesn’t matter if SPOILERS are listed. It’s a terrible movie. Or as Cleveland from “Family Guy” pronounces it as “turrible.”

Rich & Poor Qualities

Rich: Not a single redeeming quality. YIKES!

Poor: The movie’s dated as it takes place in August, 1993. A month after I was born.

Product Placement (Pee Pee for shorts) featuring brands such as Coca-Cola, Chips Ahoy, Apple and Sharper Image. I couldn’t find any other brand to shove down my throat. You win this round movie!

I know Preston’s a kid, but he committed forgery to deposit a million in the bank. He’s like a mini-version of Frank Abagnale from “Catch Me If You Can.” He never tells everybody the truth he made Machintosh up.

The Villains including the late Miguel Ferrer, Tone Loc and a banker who looks like Roger Ebert are incompetent buffoons. They don’t know how to organize a million dollar brief case. Marcellus Wallace from “Pulp Fiction” is a better crime boss than these morons.

An FBI agent named, Shay is oblivious a kid’s wealthy and fails to put the pieces together. Jessica Jones has more common sense than this bimbo.

The Banker is a stupid ass believing Preston is an anonymous contact named, Juice. Not OJ Simpson. Actually Tone Loc’s character.

Preston’s father is a greedy a-hole not giving his youngest son more than eleven dollars in favor of two oldest sons. His father grounds him after Preston got hit by a car. He’s like Joe Jackson beating the s**t outta of Michael.

I didn’t care for every single character. I checked my iPhone to see how long this movie will end.

Jokes weren’t funny as heck.

How the actual fudge is Preston able to afford luxurious items over a million? He’s not a genius billionaire Playboy philanthropist like Tony Stark buying anything he wants. Preston fools everybody using a Machintosh computer to trick everybody to buy anything he wants.

Preston easily defeats the bad guys using “Home Alone” tactics. Ugh! I hate incompetent bad guys!

A disturbing kissing scene between Preston and Shay. EGADS! A fully grown woman kisses an underage boy! Disney what we’re you thinking?! Who the hell wrote this movie Jeffrey Epstein?! Gonna have Triple Down this con for making my brain cells vomit! Plus, this broke my Suspension of Disbelief. Because Shay’s an FBI Agent and she didn’t get fired and arrested. Both the law and criminals are incompetent in this movie. You think conservatives like Ben Shapiro bitching about LGBT characters in Disney movies/shows? Wait til’ they piss their f**kin’ pants watching Blank Check.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

Blank Check is one of the worst movies of 1994 alongside the worst film of the year, “North.” If you wanna watch an actual good movie about a con man getting rich Leonardo DiCaprio in Catch Me If You Can and “The Wolf of Wall Street.”

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