Molly (MGM’s Box Office Flops Vol. 1 #9)

I know what you’re thinking. What the heck is “Molly?” Let’s start from the beginning. MGM produced a comedy-drama starring Elisabeth Shue as the titular character who undergoes a surgical procedure to cure her autism. I’m not joking. The Premise is one hundred percent real. MGM intended to premiere this movie on major airflights before a theatrical release resulting in a failed experiment. YIKES! Released in 1999. (exact same year Joey King was born) It was critically panned and only made $17,650. As a result, MGM lost a total of $21 million. DOUBLE YIKES! The movie killed Elisabeth Sue’s career as a leading actress. Her roles are reduced to supporting roles. TRIPLE YIKES!

It doesn’t matter if SPOILERS are listed. This movie doesn’t deserve to exist. It sucks pretty bad.

Smart & Dumb Qualities

Smart: Aaron Eckhart did a solid job for his performance.

Thomas Jane & Lucy Liu both did a solid job for their respective performance.

Dumb: Elisabeth Shue did a ludicrous job for her performance as the titular character. As an individual on the spectrum, I find her horrendously embarrassing. Sorry Ms. Shue, I have to Triple Down your performance. This makes Juliette Lewis’ performance in “The Other Sister” tolerable as Oscar worthy! I know Molly’s autistic, but the way she acts reminds me of Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder’s fake trailer, “Simple Jack.” I’m utterly shocked Elisabeth didn’t get a Razzie nomination for “Worst Actress.”

I didn’t care about the chemistry between Buck & Molly. I couldn’t take the latter seriously.

I never laughed at every single joke. Jerry Lewis’ telethons are beyond entertaining and less eye-rolling.

The Story’s totally bogus. Molly undergoes a surgical procedure to “cure” her autism. I’m not a certified doctor, but this never happened in real life. After Molly’s cured temporarily, she’s still embarrassing to watch. Basically, a woman child.

Even though it’s a 90-minute movie, I wanted it to end immediately.

At a baseball game, Molly somehow acquires the ability to use her eyes as binoculars reading a baseball player’s lips. She’s not from Krypton like Supergirl.

One scene shows Molly playing with public fountains while whimsical music plays in the background. This isn’t fun, it’s cringeworthy.

Molly nearly ruins a dinner party grabbing a lobster or two back to its tank.

On her first date with Sam, Molly made a tacky dress of her own. She looks silly like Judd Apatow’s wife, Leslie Mann at a children’s birthday party. I’d rather see Leslie entertaining a bunch of kids. She’s sweet and funny. I’d definitely pay my money to see her quote her line from “The 40-Year-Old Virgin.” “Let’s get some f***in’ french toast!”

Molly disrupts a “Romeo and Juliet” play. For someone who gains vast intelligence, she ignores the fact you can’t ruin a Shakespeare play. Unless she stops underage actors in the 1968 version from taking their clothes off. Not kidding. Google it.

Product Placement (Pee Pee for short) featuring brands such as Pizza Hut, Coca-Cola and Sony. I’ll let this con slide, due to a lack of numerous brands. You win this round MGM!

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

From my point of view, Molly is one of the worst movies of 1999! Do me a favor skip this piece of dog crap and watch “Awakenings.” Heck, watch Jessica Chastain as a better Molly in “Molly’s Game.”

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