Flashback Review: Zenon: The Zequel

After “Zenon: Girl Of The 21st Century” aired in 1999 around the same time “The Sopranos” aired on HBO. a sequel titled, “Zenon: The Zequel” (just go with it) was officially green-lit further exploring Zenon’s adventures.

Zenon: The Zequel aired in 2001. (same year Samurai Jack aired on Cartoon Network) It received mixed reviews from critics. A third film titled, “Zenon: Z3” aired in 2004 concluding “The Zenon Trilogy.” The third installment didn’t do so well.

Today’s review contains a ton of SPOILERS. If you haven’t seen the Zenon movies, read at your own risk.

Intelligent & Unintelligent Elements

Intelligent: Unlike the original, Zenon is less annoying. She’s now mature.

“Supernova Girl” is played during a crucial moment. The song was played during the fist film’s ending.

If you wanna know why Raven-Symoné, didn’t reprise her role as Nebula, she was busy filming “Dr. Dolittle 2.”

One girl mentioned she’s doing a history report of “The Stock Market Crash Of 2006.” The Zequel was one year close predicting “The Great Recession Of 2007-2009.”

Zenon’s zap-pad predicted the IPad. It also has features playing games and recording a video.

Cinematography never suffered from technical problems.

Greg from the first movie breaks up with Zenon. I never cared about their relationship.

The zequel is set in 2051. Two years after the original took place in 2049.

Zenon smuggles herself onboard a jet using a crate. I would assume she took cues from Solid Snake from the “Metal Gear Solid” games. Snake uses a cardboard box or crate to hide from his enemies.

Zenon’s rival Margie falls in poop just like Lyle falling in poop from “George Of The Jungle.” To quote the tour guide, “Now comes the part we throw are head back and laugh.” “Ready?” “Ready!” “HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

Margie fully matures when she & Zenon team up to find Protozoa.

“E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial” is mentioned. Steven Spielberg finished the late Stanley Kubrick’s divisive film, “A.I. Artificial Intelligence.”

Unintelligent: Zenon’s catchphrase “Cetus Lupeedus” doesn’t make any gosh darn sense. Dickie Robert’s catchphrase, “This is nuckin futs made a ton of sense than this piece of crud.

Special Effects didn’t age very well. I know this is a Disney Channel movie, but I lost the immersion what space looks like from the human eyes. Ugh! This is why I prefer Practical Effects over C.G.I. Thank goodness Christopher Nolan’s “Interstellar” turned out to be one of my favorite movies of all time relying heavily on Practical Effects.

General Hammond is basically the same villain from the first movie all over again.

Commander Plank is a stupid fatass giving Zenon all access to every area. Especially full access to restricted areas. She mistook an airlock system for a video game. Imagine if Zenon accidentally activates Dark Troopers from The Mandalorian: Season 2 tragically destroying the entire space station?

I don’t think Zenon deserves community service for inadvertently sucking out Plank’s office. I blame Plank’s dumbassery for not hiring armed forces or install security cameras. He didn’t learn his lesson from the first film. Did he forget to to The Hokey Pokey? Gonna have to Double Down Points for Plank’s moronic decision. Is he related to the former dumb blonde president?

The future on Earth is dull just like the first movie. Too bad it’s not cool lookin’ like “Blade Runner,” “The Fifth Element,” “Akira” or “Dredd 2012.”

A Plot Hole involving why Zenon’s best friend Nebula didn’t get community service. If she accompanied Zenon within the restricted area, why didn’t she get the same treatment as Zenon? Again, Plank is a stupid fatass.

When Zenon’s aunt sees her niece for the first time since the last movie, she acts giddy like a womanchild. Who the heck acts like that in from of their relatives?

A 2nd Plot Hole involving why The Space Station didn’t repair the damage from the last movie. Why the heck is The Space Station’s exterior design remodeled? You can’t remodel a ship before you repair the inside.

The Zequel is straight up boring with a capital B.

At first, I thought the aliens were gonna be the saving grace of this lackluster zequel, but the aliens are not interesting. I have no choice but to Triple Down this con. I thought “Arrival” with Amy Adams was underwhelming.

The aliens’ goal is to contact rock star Protozoa. Wait a tic. This is Spice World’s aliens scene all over again. Remember that Spice Girls movie? You know the scene when aliens arrive to sign autographs? EGADS! I’m starting to have flashbacks from one of the worst musical comedies ever made! I’ll have you a sequel to Spice World is currently in development.

The final scene is a repeat of the first movie’s ending. To quote Deadpool, “Well that’s just lazy writing.”

The final shot ends with a cheesy Freeze-Frame. I tend to make fun of this technique by pretending to be a narrator of a soap opera. I prefer a movie to end with a smash cut to black.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

Zenon: The Zequel is a carbon copy of its predecessor lacking innovation, a lackluster original storyline, inconsistencies filled with plot holes muddled in a jumbled mess among other crud listed as unintelligent. As a kid I used to like it, now that I’m older, Zenon: The Zequel has lots of problems. If you wanna watch a legit sci-fi sequel, I strongly recommend “Aliens,” “Terminator 2: Judgement Day” & “Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes.” If you want to introduce your kids to The Zenon Trilogy, so be it.

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