Teen Titans Go To The Movies

In 2003, Cartoon Network aired an animated series called, “Teen Titans,” based on the DC Comics series of the same name. The show primarily focuses on five characters such as Batman’s sidekick Robin, who serves as the leader of the team, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Starfire & my personal favorite/childhood crush, Raven. (voiced by Tara Strong A.K.A. Bubbles, Ben 10, Timmy Turner) Together they fight evil doers, most notably their arch nemesis Slade Wilson/Deathstroke, (voiced by Hellboy himself, Ron Perlman) obscured villains like Control Freak, Mumbo Jumbo, Brother Blood, Mad Mod, Dr. Light & Killer Moth.

Teen Titans was a big hit among young viewers and fans from across the globe airing from 2003-2006. The series is one of Cartoon Network’s best shows as the cartoon managed to balance seriousness, comedy, action scenes, chemistry between our heroes, and it also tackled mature themes including betrayal, loyalty, friendship, heritage, racism among many other real life issues.

After six years going off the air, Cartoon Network brought back the original voice actors in a series of animated short films. One Year Later, Cartoon Network officially green-lit a reboot of the show titled, “Teen Titans Go!” Unlike the original show, this one is a total cluster fudge ruining the nature of the show as an all out comedy. It’s basically described as the bastard child of filmmaking duo Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer (Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, Meet The Spartans) & recently fired pervert Dan Schneider. (ICarly, Victorious, All That, The Amanda Show) As a lifelong fan of the original, I was appalled to see Raven acting like a My Little Pony fan and her behavior went over-the-top. I’m incredibly horrified to learn that it has more episodes than the 2003 version.

“Teen Titans Go To The Movies” is out in theaters along with “Mission Impossible: Fallout.” Teen Titans shockingly earned positive reviews from critics and somehow made enough money passing its $10 million budget.

This review contains crucial SPOILERS. If you’re shockingly willing to see the Teen Titans’ “debut” on the silver screen, don’t read this article. Don’t even think about saying: “But Nick, this is a parody much like The Lego Batman Movie.” Don’t start with that bull**** excuse! Remember Warner Bros. (WB for short) tried fo persuade Tim Burton to direct a family friendly Batman film after receiving angry letters from parents? Joel Schumacher took over Tim’s serious Batman movies by forcefully turning them into comedies. Care to explain “Batman & Robin?”

Smart & Stupid Elements

Smart: The 2D Animation looked beautifully polished adding attention to detail to the environment, background and foreground.

The film starts with the DC logo taken from the DC Extended Universe. (DCEU for short) This time, the Justice League are in animated form, indicating that the DCEU takes place in a multiverse similar to the comics.

Daffy Duck appears on the Warner Animation Logo along with Porky Pig.

A few funny moments made me chuckle such as Green Lantern’s movie, The Titans beating up Shia LeBeouf & Superman criticizing the group as goofballs.

The movie did a bunch of jabs at several past DC films such as Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern, Henry Cavill’s digitally removed mustache from “Justice League” & “Batman Vs. Superman’s” infamous Martha scene.

Nicolas Cage voices Clark Kent/Superman, which means he finally got his wish to play The Man Of Steel, after a failed attempt to bring back Superman with a script penned by Kevin Smith titled, “Superman Lives” with Tim Burton who was supposed to direct.

Besides Nicolas Cage, other big name actors have voice over roles such as Will Arnett, Kristen Bell, James Corden, Will Wheaton & Patton Oswalt. The only reason why they wanted to participate in this film, is because their kids are fans of the show. When their children reach a mature age, it’ll spark an interest for them to watch the original Teen Titans, “Batman: The Animated Series,” “Superman: The Animated Series,” Christopher Reeve’s Superman & DC’s magnum opus, “The Dark Knight Trilogy.” As their kids look back at Teen Titans Go, they’ll realize everything wrong.

A-Ha’s “Take On Me” is played with the group uses their time traveling bikes to power up energy. The song was also used in much better movies like “Ready Player One” & “Deadpool 2.”

Even though this is a DC related movie, Stan Lee makes a cameo appearance. If you thought that was outta place, would you kindly explain his cameo in “The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement?”

A Mid-Credits Scene reveals the original Teen Titans.

“The Animamiacs” are mentioned by Starfire as the crew enter the WB lot. It won’t be long til’ The Animaniacs make their return on “Hulu.”

An instrumental version of Puffy Ami Yumi’s Teen Titans theme song is played when The Titans fight crime.

Michael Bolton makes a voice over cameo as a singing tiger. That’s right, a tiger literally singing who pops the f**k outta nowhere.

Stupid: I’m appalled that this is the first Teen Titans film based on the reboot, not the original. I have no choice but to Triple Down Cartoon Network for ruining a show that was part of my childhood!

Most of the jokes have an unbalanced equation. At first, a certain joke is funny, then it becomes unfunny. Thus, a humorous moment becomes cremated.

Slade Wilson/Deathstroke’s behavior resembles Jim Carrey & Tommy Lee Jones’ performances as The Riddler & Two-Face from “Batman Forever.” To put salt in the wound, he also produced the movie. Sorry Will, I’ll have to put an Extra Point down for making my favorite DC villain acting like Jesse Eisenberg’s performance as Lex Luthor in Batman Vs. Superman.

The Titans broke their “no killing rule,” especially Robin. They accidentally killed a tiger, going back in time to murder Aquaman to prevent superheroes from existing. When they unintentionally let supervillains wreak havoc in the present day, the group are forced to go back to fix the timeline. First they committed Kryptonian genocide. Then, they pushed Batman’s parents to an alleyway resulting in both of them being gunned down with young Bruce witnessing their deaths in front of his own two eyes. It’s not doing the right thing, it counts as murder!

As many heroes of the DC Universe star in their own superhero movie, why didn’t some think this through by not giving away your secret identity if his/her civilian name appears in the credits? Bruce Wayne is known for not leaving any trace or evidence related to his crime fighting career as Batman to prevent anyone from knowing his secret. Bruce however, decided to make films based on his life. Now everyone in the world will know he’s Batman! TMZ is gonna follow him forever!

A Plot Hole involving Superman not using his x-ray vision to reveal Slade’s disguise. In the comics, he can’t see through lead, but he can’t see through latex? What the actual fudge is going on!?

A few butt shots were graphically visible. OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!! This is Joel Schumacher’s Batman & Robin all over again! To put salt in the wound, baby Superman was dancing with his exposed butt! Cartoon Network, please show decency.

Kristen Bell’s character’s identity gave away her surname connected to Deathstroke.

Robin’s small hands are incredibly deformed. GOOD LORD! They’re stealing Kristen Wiig’s tiny hands from SNL. You know, “The Lawrence Welk Show” sketch.

I swear to god I’m not making this up, Cyborg, Beast Boy, Raven & Starfire poop in the same prop toilet. That’s right, our beloved characters literally took a dump in a prop toilet without any pipes or a flushing mechanism installed. AW JEEZ! I can already picture them in my head or somebody is gonna draw fan art of each titan taking a dump! I have to choice but to Double Down this con for each character taking a poop. Multiply two times four and you lose eight points!

Slade’s evil plan is conspicuously similar to The Screenslaver’s evil scheme from “The Incredibles II.” Disney/Pixar if you’re reading this review, better get yourself a lawyer and take WB to court on Judge Judy or Judge Mathis.

A scene removes Jimmy Kimmel’s dialogue as Batman referencing Tim Burton’s Batman, Batman Returns & Joel Schumacher’s Batman Forever. Why did WB removed this joke? I thought it was pretty funny. I would’ve laughed my butt off to see a parody of Christian Bale yelling at a cameraman while filming “Terminator: Salvation.” I can picture Christian yelling at Robin and his friends ranting about their idiotic behavior. What a wasted opportunity!

Jimmy Kimmel only has one line or two for this movie. WB why are you treating Jimmy like he’s Jared Leto’s Joker in “Suicide Squad?” Is it because both their first names start with a J as a sign for bad luck?

A Post-Credits Scene reveals “The Challengers Of The Unknown” still trapped in the deep dark void. Raven forgot to bring them back with her portal ability. The poor guys are gonna starve to death. I would assume that Superman never told any member of The Titans about how he was forced to break General Zoe’s neck in “Man Of Steel.” The Titans once again, failed their no killing rule.

Superman’s Kryptonian dad Jor-El, break dances with The Titans. If WB offered Russell Crowe to make a voice over cameo as his character from Man Of Steel, he would’ve thrown a phone at a producer just like he did when he got charged for assault located in the “Mercer Hotel.” If Russell has seen Teen Titans Go To The Movies with his likeness used, he will go fightin’ around the world. Get it? If not, it’s a reference to “South Park” making fun of Russell acting like a male diva.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

Screw the critics giving Teen Titans Go To The Movies positive reviews! This movie is a total cluster fudge containing a fraction of Amanda Bynes’ brain tissue. Not Amanda Bynes then, it’s Amanda Bynes now! F***K YOU Cartoon Network for ruining a part of my childhood, butchering the team’s attitudes & transforming my childhood crush into a bumbling moron. F***K YOU!

All you care about is gathering people appealing to the Lowest Common Denominator, (LCD for short) rather than developing a dignified series based on our favorite characters growing up. We want to see our icons again because us fans relate to their backstories, skills, flaws and personalities. If you wanna hear a speech about subtly, watch Anthony Hopkins scene from HBO’s “Westworld,” when he shuts down Lee Sizemore’s proposed storyline called, “Odyssey On Red River.”

To quote Heath Ledger’s Joker: “It’s not about the money, it’s about sending a message.”

If you want to watch a way better movie related to DC, I strongly recommend The Dark Knight Trilogy, Christopher Reeve’s Superman, Tim Burton’s Batman, Suicide Squad, The LEGO Batman Movie, Wonder Woman & Justice League. Those are the ones you should definitely see and worth every single penny! Don’t worry fellow movie goers, Aquaman, Shazam & Wonder Woman 1984 will make everything feel better. If you want to see a film currently out in theaters, go see Mission Impossible: Fallout, you will be extremely satisfied.

I’m absolutely ashamed that the original voice actors from the 2003 version are contracted against their will to continue working on this abomination. Rumors has it that Paul Thomas Anderson is interested in directing a live action Teen Titans movie set in the DCEU.

P.T. if you’re reading my review, please don’t screw it up! Take some notes on the 2003 version if you want to make a film based on the titular team.