House (1977)

“House” (not the show with Hugh Laurie) was released by Toho in 1977. (same year Judge Dredd made his first appearance in 2000 AD) At the time of its release, the film wasn’t received so well. It made revenue at the Japanese box office. Many years later, film distributor, Janus Films introduced American audiences to the movie released by The Criterion Collection earning positive reactions from movie buffs and gained a cult following.

My first exposure to House is looking up videos from The Criterion Collection’s closet picks with famous faces selecting which films they want to see. Bill Hader visited the closet grabbing a few DVDs I never heard of like “Amarcord,” “Salo,” “8 1/2,” “Green For Danger,” “Loves Of A Blonde” & of course House. He also wore a t-shirt of the latter. Don’t believe me? Look it up. James Rolfe/Angry Video Game Nerd talked about House as part of his video horror movie review series “Monster Madness.”

Awards Season is ongoing until The 2022 Oscars air on March. I’m taking my time watching films haven’t seen persevered by The Criterion Collection. Then share my thoughts by breaking down a specific one’s strengths and weaknesses. I recently viewed John Cassavetes’ “A Woman Under The Influence.” I’ll be checking out more.

This review is condensed with limited intel. Why? House is one of the dumbest movies I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m sorry movie buffs. If you’re somewhat curious to see House, watch it on The Criterion Channel. If not, so be it.

Positive & Negative Aspects

Positive: Not a single good thing listed. That’s pretty bad. No redeeming moment, means an Additional Point is subtracted.

Negative: The Story is disjointed. Not properly lining up plot points. So many random moments that didn’t connect a cohesive narrative. Because of the film’s stupidity, I’m Triple Down this flaw for making me insult my intelligence. Plus, it lacks a Beginning, Middle and an End.

All characters are forgettable. I never cared if any of them might survive. What’s worse is in fact. Lack compelling chemistry.

Editing is horrendously bad from the beginning. The more I watched, the more ri-gosh-darn-diculous it becomes.

I know this film was made in The 70s back when CGI didn’t exist back then, but good lord. Special Effects are fake like John Travolta’s hairpiece.

Soundtrack doesn’t match the mood. An upbeat score is cringeworthy.

The dumbest Death Scene that nearly made me stop watching is one of the girls is eaten by a piano. I’m not making this up.

Frame Rate randomly drops slow in unexpected times. And I thought “Cyberpunk 2077” was buggy upon release.

Another stupid Death Scene is when a random guy dies from… Let me spell it out like Gwen Stefani. “The s**t is bananas, B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

The Tone is hokey. I know it’s supposed to be a horror comedy, but I didn’t sense a fear of dread nor got any legitimate laughs. I felt utterly puzzled on what I witnessed. This makes “Godzilla VS. Megalon” look like “Citizen Kane.”

The entire film is extremely confusing. I constantly checked how long House is gonna end. As if I was taken hostage against my will.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

House is a moronic horror comedy lacking common sense, a cohesive narrative, an unbalanced tone and poor editing. Do not, I repeat, do not watch House. It’s not worth a watch. If you wanna watch a real horror comedy, “The Evil Dead 2” & “Army Of Darkness” are legit masterpieces. Congratulations Bill Hader. You managed to waste an hour and a half of my spare time. This is what happens when you hang out with Seth Rogen eating pot brownies while watching something crazy and nutty simultaneously.

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