Old

M. Night Shyamalan’s latest film, “Old” is currently released in theaters alongside “Jungle Cruise.” It received mixed reviews from critics and movie goers alike. The film is currently making money at the box office.

This review contains crucial SPOILERS. If you haven’t seen this movie, read at your own risk.

Healthy & Unhealthy Aspects

Healthy: The Main Cast including Gael García Bernal, Vicky Krieps & the rest of the cast all did a good job for their respective performances. Thank goodness they didn’t act in an emotionless monotone phase like Will Smith in “After Earth.” Except that one scene he shouts “Denied sit down!”

As a tradition in his movies, M. Night Shyamalan has a small role.

Fun Fact: Old came out the exact same day I turned 28. July 23rd.

The first half starts strong building up where the family and tourists are heading to uncharted territory.

The only good part is when the characters have to remove Prisca’s growing tumor like the game “Operation” with their bare hands.

I only give a crud about Guy & Prisca’s chemistry.

One joke that made me laugh is the crazed doctor trying to remember a movie with Jack Nicholson & Marlon Brando. When I first saw Old, I thought he’s losing his mind. Turns out the movie titled, “The Missouri Breaks” with the pair is real. I’ve never heard of it before, until now.

Unhealthy: M. Night didn’t do so well in formulating the second half of the film.

Cinematography is often shaky and shot poorly.

When Trent & Kara turn into teenagers, they immediately develop feelings for each other ignoring the fact they’ve known each other less than 24 hours. What do they do? They have sex offscreen. Suddenly… Kara is rapidly pregnant. First of all, it’s a repulsive idea having two little kids trapped in the bodies of teenagers, somehow know how to do it. I find that utterly disgusting and plain f**king stupid! Gonna have to Triple Down atrocious moment. M Night. what the hell were you thinking!?

Chrystal’s death is kinda stupid. Her bones are broken and suddenly heal in misplaced areas. I wasn’t scared, I was rolling my eyes looking at a “Looney Tunes” cartoon.

A Plot Twist reveals the rapid aging process turns out to be a serum developed from the hotel resort is actually a lab. I expected some mystical element dating back to the B.C. era or a demonic spirit placing a curse on the beach. Here’s a better twist, Alec Baldwin called his oldest daughter Ireland, a pig. Cue Robot Chicken’s “What a twist!” M. Night needs to take a break from putting a twist in every movie.

I never really cared about the characters except Guy & Prisca.

A Plot Hole involving Trent & Madoxx never got cured from rapid aging. Despite being the only survivors, they are gonna die eventually.

The film is nonsensical. As the kids rapidly grow, their brains suddenly mature and gain expansive vocabulary. Doesn’t make a lick of sense. Billy Batson from “Shazam” has the mind of a kid. When he turns into Shazam, he doesn’t automatically become “Doogie Howser.”

Another nonsensical moment is a teenaged Kara is automatically brave climbing on rocks so she can find a way out. Remember, she’s a little girl trapped in a teenager’s body. If this were real life, a little girl would never perform a dangerous stunt.

One more nonsensical moment is after Kara gives birth to a baby. the infant dies for no apparent reason. Just a poor excuse for the beach as intimating. The more I watch, the more my brains cells die from awful writing.

The adult characters never showed signs of aging. Not a single grey hair or wrinkly appearance. Marlon Brando’s old appearance from “The Godfather” is more convincing. Talk about a letdown. Old’s movie poster lied to me.

There’s so many questions left unanswered like what’s the hotel resort’s motivation using their customers as guinea pigs?

I never felt scared throughout the entire thing. My mind was blank as in staring at wet paint waiting for it to dry.

The Ending kept going on and on without fading to black. “The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King” managed to wrap up plot threads better than this piece of crud.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

M. Night Shyamalan’s Old is a total misguided cluster fudge. If I were you, don’t waste your money on this stinker. Save it for James Gunn’s upcoming “The Suicide Squad” or watch “Servant” on Apple TV. Heck! Buy “Assassins Creed Valhalla” if you wanna feel satisfied without feeling bored! M. Night lost his mojo again. “Split” was very good. Then, “Glass” was a disappointing conclusion to “The Unbreakable Trilogy.” Oh how the mighty have fallen twice! Old is one of the worst movies I’ve seen this year next to “Thunder Force,” “Tom And Jerry” & “Space Jam: A New Legacy.”

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