Damned!

Back in their early years, filmmakers including Quentin Tarantino, Robert Rodriguez, Kevin Smith & Christopher Nolan began their careers making a movie on a small-scale budget. Each of a director’s film such as “Reservoir Dogs,” “El Mariachi,” “Clerks” & “Following,” become sleeper hits which helped them launch their careers as respected filmmakers earning a reputation for a specific taste of storytelling to help engage the viewer on an adventure for clues, excitement & suspense. One filmmaker on the other hand failed to become a name of himself. Let’s rewind the clocks back to The Late 90’s.

In 1998, James “Murr” Murray, a future member of “Impractical Jokers,” filmed his directorial debut titled, “Damned!” A movie set in modern times about a teenage Jesus and other important figures from The Bible. For some unknown reasons, Damned was never mentioned again, until an episode of Impractical Jokers reveals Murr’s biggest regret to fans of the show as a punishment, forced to watch a screening of the film with an audience. To put salt in the wound, a film critic interviewed Murr. Turns out Murr didn’t want a car from his father worth $30,000, (correct me if I’m wrong) but he wanted the money to make a movie. YIKES!

The reason why I wanted to review Murr’s movie, is because an Impractical Jokers movie is happening with “truTV, “Funny Or Die” Murr, Sal, Joe & Q will produce the film. As of August 2019, no release has been announced. By the way, I’m also a fan of Impractical Jokers. Murr is my favorite.

Today’s review contains SPOILERS. If you want to watch this film, so be it. Is Damned labeled as one of the worst movies of all time? Let’s find out shall we? Where can you find “Damned?” Look it up on YouTube for free.

Yay & Nay Qualities

Yay: Sal Vulcano makes a cameo appearance as a neighbor mowing his lawn. He & Murr are good friends.

Murr himself also makes a cameo appearance as Judas. I think the extras chasing Judas, reflects the fact cast members wanted their spare time back. I pity them for not going on a vacation or visiting a future filmmaker worth a bunch of creative potential.

Larry is presented as a character. So that’s why Joe Gatto is know for shouting “LARRY!” A running gag from Impractical Jokers.

Nay: The movie’s opening scene is kinda similar to “Plan 9 From Outer Space.” Ed Wood did his better than Murr. Sorry Feretboy, but Ed did it first.

Opening Credits are worse than the opening credits from “Spawn.” Not the highly acclaimed HBO animated series, it’s the live action cinematic debut of Al Simmons/Spawn.

The Narrative is summed up in one word: “nonsensical.” That’s right, a nonsensical storyline with too much random shenanigans. What I’m trying to say, is the fact Murr failed to construct a cohesive Three Act Structure. Without a Three Act Structure, all heck breaks loose.

Besides Jesus, the film has some kind of nature documentary-esque format focusing on other biblical figures such as God, Joesph, Mary, Noah & Moses. Their scenes were outta place and they weren’t interesting.

Jesus shouts, “You mean I’m adopted!” It doesn’t sound dramatic, he sounds like Pee Wee Herman! Paul Reubens is better by shouting at the top of his lungs!

A fight scene with Joseph fighting neighbors looked idiotic. His punches are fake. Jackie Chan did his own stunts as he ensured the pain he’s been through! Plus, he dodges The Grim Reaper with a strong will to survive!

Costume Designs are obviously taken from a dollar store during Halloween month!

The budget for Murr’s movie is $30,000. Kevin Smith’s Clerks was more engaging on a minimal budget. As for Murr, he blew on poor special effects & Halloween costumes.

The Humor is “so bad, it’s good.” If you’re an intelligent individual, you’re not actually gonna laugh your butt off with decent humor. If you “SOMEHOW” belong to The Lowest Common Denominator lacking intelligence like Cosmo, (off of The Fairly Odd Parents) Damned is right up your alley.

I find it hard to view this film as a comedy or alternate universe. It belongs in a DVD bin located at a gas station worth a dollar.

The Acting is horrendously bad. Nearly every single actor/actress is unprofessional without rehearsing his/her dialogue. Acting 101, if you want to make it big in The Entertainment Industry, you have to rehearse your lines and try experimenting with random emotions to bring a character to life. The Trash Cans from “Sammy’s Science House” (an old Macintosh game) expressed emotionality when you properly put away a specific item to a different trash can!

Editing is very bad. For example, a fight scene looked sloppy. A punch or kick isn’t synchronized to legit sound effects.

The movie is literally 50 minutes long. That’s not enough coverage to make a full length motion picture. I consider live action films ranging from an hour and a half to three hours long. 50 minutes is the equivalent of a television drama.

Murr did a nonsensical job for writing, producing & directing his first movie. He should’ve taken a car as a college graduation present from his daddy.

Special Effects are ridiculously butt-ugly from The Naked Eye. Lightning coming from Jesus’ hands (yes really) is cheesy. I’d rather see The Glob Monster from JumpStart 1st Grade coming to life in a live action film adaptation of the JumpStart franchise!

Scenes keep going during The End Credits. EGADS! Scenes during an End Credits sequence predates The End Credits & deleted scenes from “The Master Of Disguise!”

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

Damned is one of the worst movies of all time to ever exist in the planet. I can’t believed I’ve wasted nearly an hour of my life watching Murr’s movie. If you don’t want to waste your spare time witnessing an idiotic film like Damned, you can watch Impractical Jokers anytime. If you want to make fun of it with a friend or introduce Damned to one of your buddies, go ahead and give it a try to see the react of your buddy’s face.

I’m lookin’ forward to the Impractical Jokers film. I have no idea what the plot is all about. I’ll assume it’ll be about pranking people or punishments cranked up to eleven.