Home Alone 3

After the release of both “Home Alone” and “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York,” late filmmaker/writer, John Hughes, began to write the third installment of Home Alone, without Macaulay Culkin, Joe Pesci, & Daniel Stern involved. This time, a “sequel” focuses on another kid named Alex, who must defend his home from terrorists, who are attempting to retrieve a microchip which allows a missle to enter camouflage mode. The Plot I’m talking about, is from “Home Alone 3.”

Home Alone 3 was released in 1997. (same year Flubber came out) Unlike the first two films, it received negative reviews from critics and it was a modest box office success. You’re gonna be shocked that Roger Ebert liked this picture better than the first two pictures. Gene Siskel freaked out, which made him the only sane man of the late duo.

The following review contains SPOILERS, because Home Alone 3 is obviously a carbon copy of Home Alone and Home Alone 2 all over again.

Nice & Naughty Aspects

Nice: A young Scarlett Johansson (my biggest celeb crush) is in this movie. It’s not her fault that she had to partake in this epic clunker. I think her parents needed the money to pay for her education. To quote “Hot Fuzz,” “It’s for the greater good.” Thank god she went on to portray Black Widow in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. (MCU for short)

There’s a Pause Worthy Moment of Alex changing his neighbor’s television with a remote, which shows a Jamie Foxx music video. You know what Scarjo, and Jamie both have in common? They both went on to participate in Marvel related productions. Too bad Jamie played a disappointing villain in an epic disappointment. Does “The Amazing Spider-Man 2 ring any bells?”

Cinematography was surprising descent. Whoever filmed this movie, deserves a proper filmography.

Naughty: Similar to Home Alone 2 recycling the same plot from Home Alone, the “third installment,” also recycles the same premise. Mr. Hughes, welcome to The Department Of Redundancy for not coming up with an original plotline.

Unlike Kevin, Alex never had a Character Arc. Kevin from the original movie, has gone through Character Development, until Home Alone 2 reverts back to his old self.

Professional terrorists were depicted as incompetent morons. In the first two Home Alone films, Harry & Marv were a pair of bumbling burglars who were oblivious to Kevin’s traps, and it felt effective for the pair. The third film however, made the terrorists incredibly stupider than any James Bond villain who always puts Bond in a death trap, rather than killing him right now. Scott Evil from Austin Powers, was aware of Dr. Evil’s moronic decision on not killing his archenemy instantly. I’m gonna have to Double Down Points for this con.

The Villains were able to survive Alex’s traps in an unrealistic way. Did they somehow steal Wile E. Coyote’s ability to cheat death? They even lack the ability to DODGE certain traps like a lawnmower, a flippin’ lawnmower! Seal Six are professionally trained than these posers, because they’re capable of dodging Osama Bin Laden’s death traps!

Alex’s parents never hired a babysitter to take care of him. In the real world, parents need to hire a babysitter if they have to run errands or work overtime. Sarah Connor is capable protecting her son John!

To put salt in the wound, Alex’s parents always leave him behind. I also have to Double Down Points for this flaw, because it broke my Suspension Of Disbelief. If one of them calls in sick for work, I would’ve been ok with this idea. Good Gravy! Alex’s parents are total Douchebags!

This movie is completely dated. For example, TSA wasn’t featured in The Opening Sequence. This was way before 9/11 happened.

Home Alone 3 never mentioned Kevin or Harry & Marv. I wanna know what happened to them after Home Alone 2. If you’re gonna have a movie title called, Home Alone 3, bring back the original characters, not a brand new cast that aren’t connected to it’s predecessors!

New characters such as Alex, (played by Alex D. Linz, also known for Max Keeble) or the terrorists were completely forgettable. One of the terrorists has a striking resemblance to David Schwimmer, (Ross from Friends) he even screams like Marv. Now I realized why the real David refuses to co-star in this disastrous flop.

Every single character was bland. Most notably, the terrorists’ motivation on why they need to camouflage a missle in order to attack a specific enemy they’re up against, is never fully explained.

Annoying Cartoon Sound Effects are often used. Did John Hughes wrote the script for the movie as a rejected animated Christmas special? Am I watching Ed, Edd N’ Eddy? Because their sound effects are everywhere.

The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!

Do not, I repeat, do not waste your precious time on this faker! If you want a better Christmas movie with a third installment, I highly recommend Iron Man 3. I consider Home Alone 3, as non-canon because it has nothing to do with the other two films. It’s like “Mission Impossible” without Tom Cruise, or “Die Hard” without Bruce Willis.

Scarlett Johansson, if you’re reading this article, it’s not your fault that you had to participate in this disaster. Sometimes most performers have to start from the beginning by working on clunkers, when the time is right, an individual will eventually earn his or her reputation as an A-Lister. Thank goodness that you’ve made it to the big leagues. I’m looking forward to “Avengers: Infinity War” and a poissble solo movie involving Black Widow.

Sincerely, Nick The Movie Critic