Picking up where “Twilight” left off, “New Moon” resumes back Bella Swan & Edward Cullen’s conflicting relationship. One’s human and the other’s a vampire. When Edward left Bella to prevent his family from endangering her, she becomes interested in Jacob. Torn between a vampire and a werewolf, Bella must make a decision to pick her true love in a monogamous relationship. Who am I kidding, “The Twilight Saga” is best described in one word, “Nonsensical.”
Released in 2009, (same year Muse’s fifth album The Resistance came out) the second installment of The Twilight Saga earned mixed to negative reviews from critics and made more money than the first movie. Followed by “Eclipse” and the two-part finale, “Breaking Dawn.” Anyway, I have three reasons why I wanna share my thoughts on The Twilight Saga, Robert Pattinson will appear in three highly anticipated films. Mark your calendars.
- Christopher Nolan’s The Odyssey – July 17, 2026
- Dune Part Three – December 18, 2026
- The Batman Part II – October 1, 2027
It doesn’t matter if SPOILERS are present. The Twilight Saga isn’t great.
Alive & Dead Qualities
Alive: One of my all-time favorite actresses, Dakota “DF” Fanning appears as a Jane. A henchwoman of The Volturi with the power to torture people with illusions of pain. The reason why she joined The Twilight Saga is because she wanted to play a villain. She’s also a fan of the series. I don’t blame her. We all have guilty pleasures. I bet DF signed on for the movies just to see Robert Pattinson & Taylor Lautner’s shirtless scenes. If I were casted in a movie with Scarlett “Scarjo” Johansson, I’d sign on immediately. FYI, I have a thing for blondes. Ironically, I don’t have the hots for DF. She’s too sweet and innocent.
Anna Kendrick’s performances as Bella’s friend, Jessica & Edi Gathegi as Laurent are the only ones who performed an actual performance besides Dakota.
Cinematography lacks janky movement.
Filter doesn’t feature the blue hue. A technical improvement.
Fun Fact: Kristen & Dakota later co-starred in “The Runaways.” A much better movie.
An elevator scene reminds me of “X-Men Origins: Wolverine.” The only good part in this underwhelming prequel.
Dead: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson reprise their roles. Their performances didn’t improve.
Chris Weitz did a horrible job directing.
Kristen acting still looks like she ate way too much Taco Bell desperate to look for the nearest restroom. She often opens her mouth. Her performance lacks emotion. Raven from “Teen Titans” had actual emotional range.
Robert still has that stary eyed gaze. If I were Bella, I’d shout Scott Evil’s line off of Austin Powers, “Get away from me you lazy eyed psycho!”
Unfun Facts
- Prior to its release, female fans of the books and movies picks sides on which boy to root for. Team Edward or Team Jacob. I on the other hand, didn’t pick a side. I’d rather pick Team Blade.
- New Moon won five “MTV Movie Awards” including “Best Movie.” This is nonsensical BS! They didn’t nominate actual 10/10 movies like “Watchmen” or “Inglorious Basterds.” You gotta be pure nincompoop to like The Twilight Saga.
- Dialogue’s cringeworthy as heck. For example, Bella & Edward deliver the dumbest goodbye in history. The former says, “Edward, I’m coming!” The latter replies, “I don’t want you to come!” Somewhere, Beavis and Butthead are snickering, “You said come.”
Bella has a nightmare when she grows old while Edward remains the same age. I don’t think it’s scary. It pales in comparison to Watchmen’s nightmare scene. The one with Night Owl & Silk Spectre II sharing a kiss before they’re annihilated by a nuclear explosion.
Bella somehow has the power to see or hear Edward whenever she’s in danger. I swear to god I’m not making this up. She jumps off a cliff. Reason why? To hear Edward’s voice. Suddenly, An ocean wave hits her. Bella’s a complete dumbass. Ignores the fact she doesn’t have vampire abilities. Nobody does that in real life. I have to Triple Down Points for insulting my intelligence.
Jacob and his tribe’s werewolf forms are generic as fudge. They’re not memorable.
After squaring off with The Volturi and Alice saving Bella’s life, the vampire organization lets them go. Ugh! Incompetent bad guys?! I hate this trope in pre-Daniel Craig James Bond movies. This is Harry & Marv level of incompetent bad guys.
Prior to learning Jacob’s werewolf, she doesn’t bat an eye when he picked up a motorcycle with his bare hands and jumping in Bella’s two story house. You can’t be this naive.
After Edward leaves, Bella becomes sad and depressed for several months. She hasn’t moved on for any available guy. Bella writes to Edward’s sister, Alice. As if Nicholas Sparks wrote this crap. The rest of the movie’s Bella being a cry baby desperate to see Edward again.
Pacing’s dragged too long like a turtle crossing the road filled with heavy traffic. Nothing happens until Act 3.
As I’ve mentioned on my review of the first movie, the chemistry between Bella & Edward felt awkward. I never cared about ‘em. Bella’s chemistry with Jacob didn’t make me feel like I’m in Team Jacob. He wasn’t interesting at all.
Edward’s reintroduction is a cheesy slow motion walk.
A wasted opportunity to have a vampire and werewolf fight scene. Victoria runs away from Jacob. Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing had an actual vampire and werewolf fight.
Edward & Bella plan to get married. Setting up the third entry, Eclipse. Yet another crapfest.
The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!
New Moon is another cluster fudge within The Twilight Saga. A nonsensical sequel to a nonsensical first installment. It ruins both the vampire and werewolf lore. If you wish to watch The Twilight Saga, invite your friends over for a watch party. Roast the series like Mystery Science Theater 3000.”
Nickthemoviecritic.com 