In 1980, Stephen King published a short story for a sex magazine (not kidding) titled, “The Monkey.” Then, it was tweaked in 1985 as part of a short story collection under “Skeleton Crew.” Has zero link to Star Wars. Anyway, The Monkey’s about a man named Hal who rediscovers the titular wind-up toy from his childhood. Whoever winds the toy, something terrible will happen. He seeks to get rid of it or else somebody he knows will perish. Four Decades Later, James Wan (Aquaman, Saw series, Furious 7) produced a film adaptation starring Theo James.
I have a big confession. I never read The Monkey and every single Stephen King short story. I was intrigued by a trailer for the movie. I went with an open mind. Upon seeing the entire movie, I’ve been bamboozled. It’s Halloween Month. I’ll be watching and reviewing Horror films throughout October.
I don’t give a crud if SPOILERS are listed. This movie is not as good as most people claim.
Lifted & Cursed Elements
Lifted: Theo James did a fair job for his dual performance as twins.
Elijah Wood & Adam Scott make brief appearances.
James Wan served as a producer. Not his fault he co-wrote this piece of crud.
Death Scenes are hit and miss.
Cursed: Osgood Perkins (Anthony Perkins’ real life son) did a poor job writing and directing this schlock.
Hal’s not an interesting protagonist like Bill Denbrough from “It Chapters 1-2.” He lacks charisma. Hal’s like a boring person staring at wet paint until it drys off. Ugh! I’d rather watch Jerry Lewis’ force ghost hosting a telethon.
Unnecessary Jump Scares. A real estate agent knocks on Hal’s car door. That’s not scary it’s plain stupid.
Again, Death Scenes are hit and miss.
I find it baffling Stephen King praised this stinker. He’s way off. He called fight scenes in superhero movies pornographic. Same guy who sniffed powder and wrote that horrid scene in It.
One death scene is utterly ridiculous. A woman falls off a staircase. She bends down on a gas stove. Fire causes her to burn her head. Runs outside in pain. What the heck is this, “Home Alone?”
Another ridiculous death scene. A swarm of bees kill Ricky while he shoots them with his gun. I couldn’t take it seriously. Why? Because it reminds me of that one scene from “Tommy Boy” with Chris Farley & David Spade pretending to be attacked by bees yelling “BEES EVERYWHERE!” “SAVE YOURSELF!” “YOU’RE FIREARMS ARE USELESS AGAINST THEM!” I’m sorry. Whenever I see somebody getting attacked by bees, I think of Tommy Boy.
Near the end, a ghost riding on horseback crosses traffic. Happens to show up outta nowhere.
Scare Factor’s stale. There’s no tension throughout. I didn’t find the titular toy scary. Monkeys don’t creep me out. You know what’s legitimately scarier? Sarah Jessica Parker posing naked for Playboy on centerfold.
An unintentional funny scene. “We gotta make like eggs and scramble!” Who the hell wrote this scene, The Wachowskis? Theo’s hammy scene gave me flashbacks of Eddie Redmayne in “Jupiter Ascending” yelling, “GO!”
The Final Verdict: F, FOR FAKER!
The Monkey is one of the worst Stephen King adaptations to exist. Don’t waste your spare time on this stinker. If you wanna see a proper short story adaptation based on King’s work, check out “1408.” Save your spare time on that instead.
Nickthemoviecritic.com 